When A and I decided to post protest art, for some reason, I first thought of Jimi Hendrix’s performance of the Star Spangled banner at Woodstock in 1969. His performance has sparked lots of controversy. Some people think that his version is patriotic or disrespectful. I don’t agree with either side, but I think that this amazing moment in rock and roll history is one of the best musical anti-war protests. Hendrix fuses his deconstructed rendition with gun and bomb sounds to tear apart a once sacred song and make it something much more profane. To close,
"One man with one guitar said more in three and a half minutes about that peculiarly disgusting war and its reverberations than all the novels, memoirs, and movies put together"—Charles Shaar Murray
I was in this really toxic friendship with someone for a couple of years that I’ve just gotten out of in recent months. She just…she was depressed and instead of trying to do something about it she blamed every single damn thing on it, and when she was finally forced into therapy she didn’t take it seriously at all and instead relied on me and a couple other of her friends to, I dunno, conjure up some magical solution to try and make her better and put no effort into anything herself. Granted, I was like that myself for awhile with someone, but I snapped out of it upon realizing how much unneeded stress I was putting on him and myself and how in order to make something better you have to put effort into it. She didn’t realize that, no matter how many times we tried to explain it to her, and instead defined her entire existence by her depression, and didn’t want to be better at all and just wanted us to sit around saying nice things about her all the time. She wasn’t her own person—and anytime I did anything, she put an immediate pointed effort into copying me. I got a tattoo, she got one a week later. I dyed my hair blue, she dyed hers turquoise. I pierced my tongue, she starts looking into it herself DESPITE the fact that she was majoring in trumpet, and her professor would kill her. I lost my virginity, she started a mass texting spree to find someone to fuck the next day. And when I confronted her about it, and told her it pissed me off, she just laughed. And it got to the point where i stopped answering her texts and messages but they kept coming, so I blocked her on everything. (The convenient thing being that we don’t live near each other anymore.) Haven’t heard from her in a couple of months. I’m happier.
So anyway my point is that I think because of her, anytime any of my friends mention anything about being sad or depressed, I immediately get sour thoughts because I’m reminded of this situation, and my immediate reaction is to think that they’re doing the same thing she is, even though I know it’s not true. But I’ve just now recognized it; a good friend of mine just made a post saying something about how her suicidal thoughts are coming back, and I’m sort of ashamed to admit that my initial reaction is to roll my eyes and think, well stop whining and get actual help. And I hate that, because I’ve had depression, and I know that it isn’t that easy, but mentally I’m just making the connection to that stupid toxic friendship I was in. And despite the fact I do genuinely care about my friend now, and I want to be able to help her, I have no idea how to do it anymore. So I just don’t say anything, generally, and leave it to other people who know what they’re doing, but I know she cares about me a lot and saying nothing seems like I’m implying I don’t care. But if I say the same things over and over (I love you I suck at advice but if you ever need someone to rant to, blah blah etc) it seems like I’m just saying them out of obligation or reading from a script.
This is entirely unrelated to anything I’ve posted, but I have enough followers on my main blog that someone would accuse me of whining or looking for attention—even if it’s me—and I don’t want to deal with that.
I’m gay I’m gay I’m gay I’m gay
and I’ve only come to terms with it about a year ago
and for the most part I’ve been very lucky and when I’ve come out to people they’ve been supportive, but I’m also very aware of the people to whom I know I can’t come out because they won’t take it well at all
and I dunno it’s
and with everything going on lately, this is a very weird time for it to suddenly get difficult—I mean, acceptance is becoming more common, DOMA and Prop 8 are gone, it’s pride month, I mean, this isn’t a time where I should suddenly having conflict with myself but for some reason I am
and tomorrow is the Pride March in my city and I was so set and ready to go, have some friends I was going to go with, I’ve been ready, I’ve been prepared, I’ve been so looking forward to it because I feel like I need something like that, I need to be somewhere where it’s not only okay but expected
so what happens but this week, this one week my manager makes up the schedule early so that I can’t request the day off—nor anyone else, for that matter.
Meanwhile, some of my other friends are going to their Pride events in their cities, and they’re so excited about it but them talking about it all the time is just making me really frustrated and sad and I don’t want to tell them to stop talking about it but I’ve just not been handling things well lately and I’m just
This seems like such a stupid thing to be frustrated with, but I’m frustrated. I was kind of relying on tomorrow to snap me out of whatever’s been wrong with me. I needed just one day to go out and not have to hide anything, one single day to be myself, and I’m not even granted that.
Vietnam War Protesters on Memorial Bridge, October 1967 As the Vietnam War raged, protests increased on college campuses and in Washington, D.C. This photograph captured Pittsburgh Veterans for Peace at the March on the Pentagon on October 21, 1967.